I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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