oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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