I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
