I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You can't motorboat a personality
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
