maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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