im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
