I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
