i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
