The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
