Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
