I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
bring money and cleavage
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
