gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
