how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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