Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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