At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
