Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
