I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
