im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
