And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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