dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Randomize
