his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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