I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
