Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
