Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
its liver damage thursday
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
