he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize