my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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