i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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