I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
