They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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