We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
