kristin has been a bad kristin
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
