Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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