that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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