I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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