Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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