Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
