I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
