maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
