Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
