Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
