My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
