so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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