she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
