Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
