it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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