Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
