arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
