So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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