I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
