Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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