we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
