My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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