Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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