My first STD was from a foam party
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
