shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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