Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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