They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
