Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
