How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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