okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
