just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You smell like stripper and shame
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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