I queefed so loud it echoed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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