Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
