it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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