My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
