Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we're so committed to being not committed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
