That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
