i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
