I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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