kristin has been a bad kristin
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
